I was just minding my business at 1am… until my brain asked who decided lip-smashing meant love.
I’ve been thinking…
kissing is objectively strange.
Two people press their face-holes together,
close their eyes like they’re praying,
and pretend swapping spit is the height of romance.
And somehow—somehow—this became normal?
Like, who started this?
Who was the trailblazing romantic that looked at another human and thought:
“Yeah. Let me gently mash my lips into theirs until something stirs.”
And let’s talk about tongues.
What kind of freak was like:
“This is good, but what if we made it slippery and complicated?”
No, seriously—
I just want to talk.
Because somewhere in history,
two awkward, probably unwashed people
accidentally invented this social contract
where lips and saliva mean affection.
And the rest of us?
We just nodded and said,
“Sure. Sign me up.”
Now we’re all out here
judging chemistry by how well
someone rotates their mouth parts.
Imagine being the first person
to close your eyes while kissing—
Did the other person think they died?
And don’t get me started on post-kiss eye contact.
Do I look at you like I love you?
Like I want more?
Like I’m proud of us?
No one knows the rules.
But we do it anyway—
over and over—
because somebody started it
and we never asked enough questions.
So here I am.
Participating.
Performing mouth ballet
because someone before me
thought this was the most efficient way
to say I like you.
Who invented kissing…
and why am I involved?